Meaning of Leadership
What does it mean to be a leader?
In the past, I didn't feel qualified to speak to this question, partly because I was infected with the societal default role of women as followers - agreeable givers, nurturers, and supporters. This identity didn’t feel compatible with my view of leaders - powerful decision makers, in control, dictating the actions of those around them. However, as I experienced more of the world, and particularly as I dove deeper into dancing and horsemanship, I realized that I’d been confusing leadership for dominance. Dominance seeks personal power and control. True leadership seeks to build community and cultivate connection. Whether I’m observing horses, dancers, or leaders in general, the qualities of great leadership are largely the same. Great leaders are in the business of listening rather than telling, of inviting rather than demanding. They lead in a way that serves those around them, without ego or agenda.
There’s a traditional view of partner dance that claims, “followers don’t contribute to the conversation.” When someone says this, I hear, “Leaders don’t listen.” How can there be a true partnership, a true connection, if half the partnership is silenced? When I dance as a follower, from the moment I make eye contact with a potential leader, I’m communicating with them. The way I carry myself, the tempo and style of my walk, and the type of embrace I choose are all messages about what I’m looking for from the partnership - all before our dance even begins. A lead who listens can move with their partner in a way that brings out the steps their partner already wanted to take, resulting in a seemingly magical connection. Listening becomes especially salient when your partner is a 1000+ lb horse whose wishes cannot be easily ignored. A horse at liberty (without tack, such as halters or bridles) may move however and wherever they wish. The easiest way to lead is to listen. For example, if I can “hear” my horse saying they want to take off trotting, I may ask them to go trot. In this way, I gain credibility as a leader and deepen our connection by leading where they already wanted to go.
On the flip side of attentive listening is mindful communication. For horses and dancers, communication is primarily body language. However, body language has little to no meaning if I don’t have my partner’s full attention, or if I’m in the wrong position to communicate with my partner. For example, before I start to lead a dance, I begin by pausing and shifting weight with my partner, listening and waiting to see if they follow my own weight shifts. Similarly, when I connect with a horse, I check to see if they are paying attention to me, looking at me with two eyes and listening with two ears. I make no other requests in the moment until I’m sure we are completely connected. With horse and human, my body positioning and intention is usually toward my partner, making it much easier to read non-verbal cues. My movements are generally smooth and consistent, easy to follow, avoiding sharp turns and movements unless I’ve properly prepared my partner to receive them. I keep in mind that every horse and every human is different. The body language that worked smoothly in my last partnership may not translate to this one. I stay present with my partner and enjoy exploring our unique dialect.
Another key to leading is the release of agenda in favor of embracing the present. If I have a strong attachment to my agenda or vision of how I want a partnership to play out, I’m probably more focused on performance than connection. This focus on performance can block me from appreciating unexpected opportunities in the present moment. Most dancers and horsepeople have heard the phrase, “It’s always the leader’s fault.” Here’s a more positive way to look at this: it’s always the leader’s responsibility to make the most of the moment. As a lead, I can offer a movement, but it’s up to the horse or human to decide whether to accept that offer or move in their own direction. It’s my responsibility as a lead to stay present and seek connection whatever their choice may be. The best leaders are accepting of–and prepared for–whatever happens next. They have an intention and offer an invitation, but if that invitation is declined, there is no resistance. They are fully present in the flow, ready to respond mindfully to whatever reality brings next. Similarly, if I make a “misstep” as a lead, it’s my responsibility to stay in the flow of the dance and find the best way to reconnect. When we can stay within the freedom of the present moment, there’s no such thing as a “wrong” move. There is no fault; only flow.
In addition to releasing agendas, great leaders let go of their egos. A release of ego allows leaders to recognize when it's time to follow. One of the things I love about the fusion partner dance community is the regularity with which couples switch leads during a dance. When one partner is in a position to lead, they invite the movement. At any point during the dance, if the partner who was following finds themselves in a leadership position, they may choose to lead and offer movements of their own. This is precisely how horses dance together in a harmonious herd. Whichever horse is in the best position to lead requests the movement, and the horse in the following position easily responds to the request, regardless of their rank within the herd.
So what does it mean to be a leader? I’m relieved to say my experiences with horses and dancing have taught me that being a leader has nothing to do with gender roles or the pursuit of power and control. When we listen without agenda or ego and focus on fostering connection, anyone can be a leader.
Do you view yourself as a leader? Why or why not? How do you communicate as a leader? What’s your experience with releasing your own agendas as you lead? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
May the horse be with you, always!
