Force Creates Resistance
Most of us have heard of Newton’s third law: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If I push on a wall, the wall will push back. Working with horses at liberty makes it abundantly clear walls aren’t the only things that resist when force is applied. (Not to be confused with the force of Star Wars fame. Now that’s a force I fully support! 😉)
When I work with horses at liberty without tack like halters or bridles, there’s basically no way to force them to do anything they don’t want to. In her method of liberty horsemanship, Carolyn Resnick teaches that instead of force, we can use the Entry Point of Connection to get where we want to go. Instead of focusing on the “No” she changes the subject and finds something the horse will say “Yes!” to. Once you’ve got a “Yes!” connection, the horse is usually much more willing to revisit a topic they refused before.
This idea is exemplified in the Resnick Method’s Hello Ritual. When I approach a horse to say hello, I keep a close eye on their body language. If the horse turns away, pins their ears, or gives any sign of displeasure, I turn around and walk away. If I’d continued approaching a horse that didn’t want me near them, they would probably head for the far end of the pasture. By turning and walking away, applying no force, the horse has no reason to run from me, and sometimes, they’ll even follow after me, curious about this human who respects their personal space. After walking away, I may ask the horse for something I know they’ll say “Yes” to, like moving away from me. Then when I approach them again, they’re usually much more willing to greet me. These principles are also part of the horse’s natural Code of Conduct. Hear Carolyn Resnick and her business partner Nan Zintsmaster discuss the Code in detail here.
If I catch myself trying to use force, it’s a clear indicator I’ve lost my focus on authentic connection and have instead shifted into Trainer’s Mind. To learn more about Trainer’s Mind, I highly recommend this conversation between Carolyn & Nan, inspired in part by one of my recent blogs.
Taking a step back to refocus on connection instead of force is beneficial in countless areas of life. In my own life, I’ve noticed relationships of all kinds flourish when I stay focused on connection instead of forcing my expectations on others. When I’ve found myself in disagreements, instead of focusing on the point of contention, I look for anything we can say “Yes” to, even if it’s, “I’m feeling like I need some time to think about the points you’ve made. Can we take a break and revisit this?”
Even my relationship with myself improves when I step away from using force. For example, I really didn’t want to sit down and write this blog. I sat here for a moment, trying to force myself to do it before it struck me how absurd forcing myself to write about force and resistance really was. Instead, I found my entry point of connection by listening to some groovy tunes and dancing around my kitchen. When I was ready to come back to the computer, the blog flowed—no force required. Carolyn says she doesn’t push herself to do anything she doesn’t truly want to. After all, if we practice pushing ourselves around, what’s to stop us from pushing our horses, or the people in our lives? Instead, she finds the spirit and joy in whatever she’s doing. When she doesn’t want to do the laundry, Carolyn remembers how much she enjoyed spending time with her grandmother watching her do laundry. After conjuring these joyful memories, Carolyn happily brings her grandmother with her and they do the laundry together in spirit.
Whenever I’ve tried to force an issue, whether it be with horses, myself, or other humans, it inevitably leads to more and more resistance. By stepping away from force and looking for the “Yes,” I can create deeper connections instead. Have you noticed areas in your life where using force created resistance? How did you respond? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn. May the horse be with you, always!
