Freedom Within Restraints
This morning, I awoke to the sound of rain. Usually, I love the rain—especially here in dry California—but not when there are three horse stalls in need of cleaning. Not the most glamorous task on the best of days, mucking stalls in the rain turns into a herculean effort, hauling heavy muck carts through grasping mud with freezing fingers, praying at least my socks stay dry. Checking the forecast, I saw it’d be raining all day and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it. Fortunately, the horses have helped teach me how to embrace the present and find peace with what I cannot change.
In her book Naked Liberty, Carolyn Resnick describes an old horseman's technique of tying a horse under a tree for short periods of time. When I visited Carolyn at her ranch earlier this year, I had the opportunity to ask her about the benefits of this practice. As usual, her answer was profound with applications beyond just the horse world. What she told me is deceptively simple: it’s important to find freedom within restraints. As we sat with the horse under the tree, I watched him explore his space, finding the end of the rope, leaning, testing it, and irritably swatting at flies. Before long though, he stood calmly, the rope completely slack. He hadn’t shut down or checked out, his eyes were bright and soft as he gazed at us. He’d simply relaxed and found contentment. He was still tied to the tree and the flies still buzzed around him, but neither of these circumstances bothered him in the slightest. He’d found freedom by embracing peace within himself.
While we should seek the betterment of ourselves and our circumstances whenever possible, there will always be elements in life we cannot control. I may not wear a halter or be tethered to a tree, but I will inevitably encounter situations beyond my ability to change. Rather than be defeated, it’s important to be able to free myself. I may not have absolute power over my surroundings, but I can absolutely control the way I respond to them. The best response I’ve found is to be fully present, acknowledging reality without judgment. As my yoga instructor Kate Lombardo said in a recent newsletter, “The moment that we accept the truth of the present is the moment we find freedom within ourselves and around us.”
This is much easier said than done, especially when our present moment is painful (or rain-full). It feels much easier to pull on the proverbial rope, to run away, numb, distract, or otherwise check out. But pushing away negative sensations makes it increasingly difficult to embrace the positive. As my hero, Brene Brown says, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” If I can’t change, numb, or run away from unpleasantness, how do I accept whatever the present brings? The easiest path I’ve found is to take a deep breath and meditate on anything I can be grateful for. No matter where we are, or what is happening, there is always something in the present moment to be grateful for—if we remember to look for it. Sometimes the only gratitude I can find is a deep appreciation for breathing in and breathing out. This simple thankfulness for life is usually enough to help me release judgment, fully accept the present, and find inner peace.
So this morning, rather than curling back under my covers and running away from the world, I took a deep breath and reminded myself how unbelievably lucky I am to have horses I love in my backyard, to even be able to complain about mucking stalls in the rain. I put on my coat and muddy boots and made my way down to the barn where I quickly discovered even more gratitude for welcoming whinnies and warm horse hugs and kisses. The rain was still falling, I was still wet and cold, but I realized I no longer cared. I’d found freedom.
Where do you encounter elements beyond your power to change? Are there opportunities to find freedom within those moments? If so, how do you find yours? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
May the horse be with you, always!
