What Happens Next?
As someone who generally considers myself type A, I’ve always felt more secure with a clear plan. Working with horses was no exception when it came to my expectations and agendas. The problem was my horse didn’t always agree with my plans. When this happened, our training sessions would devolve into a frustrating mess. It was a revelation, then to hear one of my mentors Carolyn Resnick say: “The best horse trainers are ok with not knowing what happens next.” I was so confused at first—how can anyone get anything done without a plan? As I continued to study under Carolyn, I realized there’s a significant difference between a plan and an intention.
I’m defining a plan or agenda as a preconceived set of actions, like a train traveling along a set track. I used to get attached to these plans and could be bitterly disappointed if they didn’t travel the track I’d imagined. An intention, on the other hand, is an ultimate desire or destination. Somewhere I know I want to go, without attachment to any particular course of getting there. I’ve found it’s important to have a North Star for direction, but there’s real value in not having a preconceived agenda of how I’m going to get there. Being able to have a strong intention without getting sucked into planning requires a few challenging mindset shifts, but when I can find this sweet spot, I discover confidence in my ability to meet the moment without judgment or imagined ideas of success.
One of the first shifts occurred when I realized I need to become fully present. What I hadn’t appreciated while I was obsessing over my best-laid plans is the present is forever changing, forever new. What’s true of the last moment may not be true of this one. To meet my horse, myself, or anyone else truly in the present, I must allow us all to be like the present moment: changing and new. Just because my horse was deeply connected with me moments ago doesn’t guarantee they’ll be willing to work with me here and now. What we did yesterday, or even a few minutes ago, may have little bearing on this new moment. This mindset allows me to connect deeply and generously, not only with my horse but with everyone in my life, empowering me to respond to the reality of any given moment rather than a preconceived story I’m telling myself. By checking my plans and agendas at the door, I leave myself open to new avenues of success I never imagined, inside the horse arena and beyond.
Speaking of success— how I define achievement signaled another significant shift. General wisdom continues to affirm we learn much more from failure than success. Humans (and numerous other critters) learn by observing what is, trying an action, and observing the results of that action. Based on the outcome we can fine-tune and try again. Sometimes the results align with our intentions, and sometimes they certainly don’t! Regardless of the outcome, every attempt brings us more information and closer to our intended result. From this perspective, any action is a success. I love how Jane Pike put it in one of her recent newsletters,
“Sometimes you have greater ease of communication and connection and experience a sense of progress. Success. Sometimes, nothing is clear, nothing matches up with your intention or is smoothly communicated. Still a success. You notice, change, adjust and go again. Success. It’s just a made up idea. And consequently, you can make up what it looks like for you.”
Once I’m able to shift my idea of success, it’s easier to fully accept where I am in my journey. Complete acceptance of where I’m at physically, mentally, and emotionally, without shame or judgment, is a game changer. If my horse doesn’t want to play the game I’ve planned for us, I no longer place blame on either of us or consider our failures. Instead, I accept where we both are today and find a way for us to connect within our present reality. Aside from horsemanship, I particularly appreciate acceptance on my yoga mat. Rather than allowing self-judgment to push me to the point of injury, I’m able to enjoy wherever I am on any given day, even if I can’t stretch as deeply and my session isn’t as “successful” as the day before. I know just by showing up on my yoga mat and fully accepting wherever I am, I am making progress and growing my practice. Whenever I notice a desire to alter my present circumstances, I also discover agenda and expectations. These expectations trap me in a state of longing for change that can perversely blind me to the present where the potential for true transformation lies.
When I was caught up in my plans, I was a train traveling a strict, inflexible track. Now I imagine myself traveling through life like a sailboat. As the winds of fortune change, carrying me into uncertain waters, I can more easily shift and continue cruising towards my intention. When I’m able to step beyond agendas, judgment, and preconceived ideals, I find the magic of the moment. In this place, I am sailing through life, forever new. What happens next? I don’t know. But I do know whatever it is will be a success.
How do you deal with not knowing what comes next? Where has not knowing been helpful, or conversely where have you experienced it as a hindrance? What comes up for you when you think about your version of success? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. May the horse be with you, always!
