The Powerful Pause
For much of my life, I was all about active solutions. I couldn’t see how anything could progress if I didn’t do something about it. Yet, as I’ve studied dance, yoga, and horsemanship, I’ve realized one of the most powerful things I can do is pause. While there are more benefits than I can hope to enumerate in this short blog, I’d like to share how pausing has helped me grow in everything—from horsemanship to friendships.
My relationship with pausing began in a seemingly unlikely place: on the dance floor. I still remember my first Argentine tango instructor asking me what all the best dancers have in common. I guessed grace, flexibility, and balance. Instead, he answered, “the pause.” At the time, I was baffled. I thought being a great dancer was all about movement, but that’s like saying a great conversationalist is all about talking. The moments of pause, of listening, are what make any kind of conversation come to life. Now, when I watch a dance floor, what catches my eye most amidst the sea of movement are moments of stillness. The pause accentuates everything that came before and everything that follows. When a couple pauses, I can sense their connection deepening, and feel a sense of drama unparalleled by even the flashiest figures. Here’s just one gorgeous example.
When I practice yoga and meditation, I find the pause showing up in very similar ways. Focusing on my breath and pausing in meditation, or luxuriating in a long pause on my yoga mat, allows me to connect more deeply with myself, embody what I am learning, and find my balance—both figuratively and literally! Even the most movement-focused vinyasa flow classes make time for what’s widely considered the most important yoga pose: savasana, or corpse pose. During savasana, instructors guide students to lay flat on their backs and find stillness. Among its many benefits, savasana gives students the opportunity to come fully into the present, reconnect with themselves and integrate the benefits of their practice. Consistently coming into savasana at the end of practice brings me more peace, both physically and mentally than any other pose in the vast yogi repertoire.
Studying Carolyn Resnick’s method of liberty horsemanship, I find my relationship with the pause growing further still. During a recent class, Carolyn said something in regard to the pause I felt was especially profound, “Let time be your solution.” This proved to be helpful advice in many areas of my life, particularly with my new pony, Bill. Bill had a rough start before we found each other. He’d been through several horse auctions and was ultimately rescued out of a kill pen. Understandably, he had some trouble trusting humans and refused to let me groom him when he first arrived. I could have tied him up and forced him to be brushed, or I could have chased him around his paddock until one of us gave up. Instead, I put out hay with some apples and carrots, creating a welcoming environment as I invited him to be groomed. Anytime he walked away from me and my brushes, I would walk away from him and stand quietly, pausing. After a while, he would come back and we’d repeat our dance. By pausing, I gave Bill and myself time to “listen” to each other, think about what the other was asking, and offer us both the opportunity to respond instead of reacting in fear or frustration. We’ve been at this for about a week now, and this morning I was able to groom him from nose to tail, and even picked his feet completely at liberty (with no halter or lead rope). While there are no shortcuts to relationships, pausing in this way built trust and connection more quickly than any “active” solution I can imagine.
As my relationship with the pause has grown, I’ve found my human relationships growing with it. I’ve realized rather than constantly trying to contribute or offer solutions, a lot of times the best way I can support my friends and family is to simply pause and be there for them. I love the way James Clear puts it in his blog:
Let go of the need to add value. Many people, especially high achievers, have an overwhelming need to provide value to the people around them. On the surface, this sounds like a great thing. But in practice, it can handicap your success because you never have a conversation where you just shut up and listen. If you're constantly adding value (“You should try this…” or “Let me share something that worked well for me…”) then you kill the ownership that other people feel about their ideas. At the same time, it's impossible for you to listen to someone else when you're talking. So, step one is to let go of the need to always contribute. Step back every now and then and just observe and listen.
In the moment, pausing may feel like taking a scenic route, like everything I’m doing is taking longer than it needs to, but all of my experiences have shown me that pausing is actually the key to accelerated growth of connection, trust, balance, timing, skill, and enumerable other gifts. Whether I’m in conversation with a dance partner, myself, my animals, or loved ones, it’s vital to remember how powerful pausing can be. I don’t need the perfect piece of advice, the most active training exercise, the fanciest dance moves, or the most advanced yoga poses. All I need to do is pause and let time be the solution.
Where have you noticed the power of pausing in your life? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. May the horse be with you, always!
