The North Star
When I was little, I had clear ideas of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I loved the outdoors and being with animals. My dreams drifted between becoming an animal trainer, a veterinarian, or a nature documentarian. I had even clearer ideas of what I didn’t want to be; I have vivid memories of insisting to my mother that I'd never work behind a desk. This clarity gave me a bright North Star I was steering towards. The trouble with stars though is we lose sight of them. Even the brightest stars are obscured by clouds and morning light. One can easily forget the stars are there at all.
As I grew up, day-to-day realities clouded my bright childhood visions of frolicking with animals in nature, and eventually, I forgot what direction I was steering towards. Before long, I ended up exactly where I swore I’d never be: working behind a desk. I spent years there wondering why I wasn’t satisfied. I was doing valuable work, I had a steady income, and my co-workers were wonderful. Everything seemed to point towards fulfillment, and yet at the end of the day, I often felt hollow. I now realize this was because I’d lost sight of what I really wanted. Author and inventor of the Bullet Journal, Ryder Carroll points out, “If you don’t know what you want, you will never be satisfied with anything you have.”
The first step towards finding my guiding light again was getting back in touch with my core values. I was inspired by this excellent exercise from business coach Scott Jeffrey. Here’s what I ended up with:
Connection: Cultivating meaningful relationships
Health: Loving myself
Nature: Reveling in the natural world
Success: Living with an abundance mentality
Explore: Discovering new experiences
Getting back in touch with these central values helped me realize there were key aspects of myself I was neglecting, particularly my values of health & nature. It became clear to me I needed to change course to find fulfillment. When I considered what direction I should go, one path lit me up inside more than any other–my childhood dreams of being an animal trainer, especially working with horses. Now I knew roughly where I was going, but how would I get there? Change doesn’t happen overnight and change that drastic felt like a huge risk.
Thankfully, around this time I was also reading James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. The most helpful exercise for me was the Habit Scorecard. This is a practice I still do regularly to help me evaluate if my actions are in line with my values. I start by listing everything I’ve done in a day, from checking emails in the morning to watching TV at night and giving it a score. I try not to think of my habits in terms of “good” or “bad” but rather, whether or not the habit is serving me in the long run. James Clear suggests asking, “Does this behavior help me become the type of person I wish to be? Does this habit cast a vote for or against my desired identity?” If it is a helpful habit I give it a +, if it’s not, I give it a –, and if it’s neutral I give it a =. At first, there weren’t many habits supporting my horse trainer identity. I knew in my bones this was the direction I wanted to go, but even so, making any big changes felt incredibly intimidating. I decided a manageable first step would be listening to horsemanship podcasts. Before long, I was volunteering at local stables. Today, I'm getting ready to build my own horse training facilities. Taking tiny steps, one at a time has helped me get where I’m going without becoming overwhelmed. I enjoy picturing long-term goals as something I’m sailing towards. If I shift my course even by one degree, the eventual destination will be very different than if I’d made no change at all. I’m incredibly grateful for seemingly small course corrections resulting in enormous differences in my daily life and well-being.
This journey has reminded me that life will inevitably twist and turn. It’s almost impossible to stay on course all the time. There may be jobs I need to take that don’t fulfill my every wish, and my dreams will probably change and grow over time. For me, the danger is not in these detours, but in losing sight of my guiding light for so long I forget it was ever there. As long as I’m clear about what I want, and where I ultimately want to go, I can face forks in the road with confidence. I know my North Star is there, guiding me home.
What’s your North Star? What ultimate goals are you steering towards? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below or on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. May the horse be with you, always!
